Medical School. Those two words used to make me extremely afraid. I remember when Clint told me he wanted to be a doctor. I was very excited for him, and encouraged him to chase his dream. I was also very afraid, and often wondered if I could handle his dream. I was very afraid of all the work it would take just to get us there. I was afraid of the long hours away from us. I was worried. I didn't how we would maintain, develop, and enjoy our marriage and family. I didn't know how we would survive, or prosper, while making no money. There were so many unknowns. Looking back, I wish I would have just stopped--stopped worrying! I tried to plan every detail. I researched everything. I doubted it could all work out. I am embarrassed to say that I had a hard time trusting the Lord that everything would be ok. I am not saying it is wrong to research and to make plans. I think that's great. In fact, I think the Lord is pleased when we do our part to be prepared. I love to be prepared, and it is definitely in my nature to over think and over plan everything!! I allowed myself to stress about the things I couldn't plan. I allowed myself to get discouraged by unknowns. I was leaning on my own understanding, and wasn't willing to trust in the Lord with ALL my heart. I was willing to give him pieces here and there, but not ALL of it.
Eventually, I realized I was wrong. I realized that I had to stop. I had to trust that If I did my part the Lord would do the rest. He would help us find a place to live. He would help us in all of our decisions. He would help me to find peace and happiness in those decisions. He would sustain me when we just had to act without knowing how things would work out. He would sustain me when times were hard. He would come through. And, he has!
This August Clint's dream officially began! We started medical school at Des Moines University in Iowa. It has been to surreal to think we are finally here. Finally doing it. Finally! I say finally because, boy, did it take a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get here! The preparation, and eventual application process for medical school was insane! It pushed us to new limits--especially Clinton. Med school was always looming above our heads--even while still years away. There was so much to do. So much went into getting us here.
We feel extremely grateful, humbled, and relieved to have finally begun our adventure in Iowa. We love Iowa! My mom is from Iowa, and we went back almost every summer to visit my grandparents growing up. We were thrilled when we found out we would most likely be headed to Iowa for school. It made me much less nervous.
Medical school has been hard, and definitely an adjustment. But, to be honest, I have been pleasantly surprised! We are thriving, and happy, and life goes on! We didn't cease to exist once school started! I know that my decision to stop doubting, and to start trusting has really helped with that. There have been some really hard days, and weeks. However, I am finding strength to get through it and we are doing more than just getting through it--we are actually enjoying our journey so far!
I know that if we trust in the Lord with all of our heart, he will direct our paths. He will guide us. He will be there! We just need to let him in to do so. We can't give him bits and pieces of our hearts, and then hold onto our fears and doubts and withhold the rest of our heart.
I am grateful for the lessons that the journey towards medical school has taught me so. I feel like I am a different person than when we began this process. I have learned a lot about myself. I have found strengths, and many weaknesses. I have been able to make adjustments to begin changing my weaknesses. I am far from perfect, or from completely overcoming them, but am excited to see what med school has in store for me, and my family! We got this!
